A mirror from my past... the one who knew me best and shared my struggles... that struggle has overcome him, and he's happy.
He tells me that I'm living a lie. He tells me that I fool nobody. That to be happy I have to sacrifice what I believe in. What am I supposed to say? What am I supposed to do? I long to prove him wrong... and I'm afraid that he may have found the truth and that me not having a plan is what makes me wrong.
I know it's a sign... and I know that the person I am can't live this way anymore. The problem is, can I give up my morals for happiness, or do I forfeit my chance at happiness to keep my morals? There is no middle road. I've been on the fence so long my heart breaks to think of the move to make.
The ethical dilemma of me.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
This Hope
Why are people ruled by what they've been?
They fear to reach for more because they've been shot down.
They fear to become the most they can be for fear of the worst they've been.
Why are we so sure that we can't succeed because we've failed before?
Why are we so sure that a person will fail us because we've been let down?
How did our fears come to take our lives over? How did we get to the place where we're afraid to even move? We push others away because we are afraid to lose them...
In recent restrictions I have come upon, I've found a sense of freedom. I had mired myself in stale waters and stopped living for what I wanted and believed in for the sake of familiarity. Now that I've been removed from those waters, even just a little bit, I can move around. I can start changing and stop fearing myself and the abandonment of others.
So I now have this hope. This hope that I can stop being comfortable and start being better. This hope that even when the road is rocky I can stumble and keep moving. So, I'll make this toast to the betterment of self. And when the morning comes, may we be found better people.
They fear to reach for more because they've been shot down.
They fear to become the most they can be for fear of the worst they've been.
Why are we so sure that we can't succeed because we've failed before?
Why are we so sure that a person will fail us because we've been let down?
How did our fears come to take our lives over? How did we get to the place where we're afraid to even move? We push others away because we are afraid to lose them...
In recent restrictions I have come upon, I've found a sense of freedom. I had mired myself in stale waters and stopped living for what I wanted and believed in for the sake of familiarity. Now that I've been removed from those waters, even just a little bit, I can move around. I can start changing and stop fearing myself and the abandonment of others.
So I now have this hope. This hope that I can stop being comfortable and start being better. This hope that even when the road is rocky I can stumble and keep moving. So, I'll make this toast to the betterment of self. And when the morning comes, may we be found better people.
A Smile: the Story of Love
The human mind can perceive sight at a rate of 30 - 200 frames per second. That's amazing, when you think that each second you've seen something, your mind has captured that moment at least 30 times.
For a person, your mind has stored up all these pictures of the seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years that you have spent seeing them.
My images of Helena aren't as many as a lot of people's. That doesn't mean she wasn't important to me, but there was a bit of an age gap; she always stood around in the kitchen with the women and i was always playing with the other kids in some other room, but there was family time. I saw her face, we talked, we shared love. I loved my aunt quite a bit. She never let me down once. And in all the images my mind has stored up, she's got a big old smile on her face. It's not a fake smile for a myspace or facebook, to make someone's picture look better. No, it's in her eyes. You can see love there.
The love that can make someone smile with that intensity, it is powerful.
That is the love that can shake this world.
That is the love they make stories about.
All poems and songs and everything great was written for the love in my aunt's smile.
Cancer took my aunt's life, but the smile she shared so willingly, so hopefully, so lovingly... it will live on.
I hope it will live on in me.
I know it will live on in my uncle and my cousins.
I want it to spread like a fire into the hearts of random passersby and turn their worlds inside out.
And when I get to heaven, my aunt will be there with that smile I adore so much. There will be no more tears, nor sorrow, for the old things have passed away, and all that is will be love.
For a person, your mind has stored up all these pictures of the seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years that you have spent seeing them.
My images of Helena aren't as many as a lot of people's. That doesn't mean she wasn't important to me, but there was a bit of an age gap; she always stood around in the kitchen with the women and i was always playing with the other kids in some other room, but there was family time. I saw her face, we talked, we shared love. I loved my aunt quite a bit. She never let me down once. And in all the images my mind has stored up, she's got a big old smile on her face. It's not a fake smile for a myspace or facebook, to make someone's picture look better. No, it's in her eyes. You can see love there.
The love that can make someone smile with that intensity, it is powerful.
That is the love that can shake this world.
That is the love they make stories about.
All poems and songs and everything great was written for the love in my aunt's smile.
Cancer took my aunt's life, but the smile she shared so willingly, so hopefully, so lovingly... it will live on.
I hope it will live on in me.
I know it will live on in my uncle and my cousins.
I want it to spread like a fire into the hearts of random passersby and turn their worlds inside out.
And when I get to heaven, my aunt will be there with that smile I adore so much. There will be no more tears, nor sorrow, for the old things have passed away, and all that is will be love.
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